As we approach our third annual Tender Lights event we are day by day preparing all the little things that are needed to accomplish such a heartwarming event.  This has to be my favorite event and the one I look forward to most each year.

It is at this event that I myself get to pause.

It isn’t the nature of our work to talk about the families we meet each year and to tell details on each situation, all being so different and so impactful.  We keep all those moments bottled up in respect for the families but we would be remiss to say that they don’t affect our hearts as well.  The memories of each meeting come flooding back at this time every year and as I sit and count the lanterns this year I can once again feel those harsh moments of pain that these stories offer.

As I gather the sharpies and the tealights and pack them in the boxes ready to head to the event, I remember the look of shock and the stillness of the room when we entered in one moms room this summer.  She was so quiet, seemingly almost afraid to talk because she just wasn’t sure of anything in that moment.  Who would be?  I can remember a mother, while sad, just admiring her beautiful daughter and all those perfect parts of her.  She held her so gently and smiled while she talked to her.  Loving her daughter in her pain was all she knew to do.  I wish even now I could help them.

I move over some of the wedding dresses that so many women have graciously donated and pull out our box of t-shirts to take inventory again.  I see an impression kit, misplaced and away from the others, and as I hold it, I see a mom who couldn’t bring herself to even look at her full-term babies footprint we had just moments before taken for her.  She wasn’t ready and my heart just aches.  The pain surges through me and my breath is stollen while tears begin to well up.  I grieved so much with her, and still do.

We try to be strong, but truth told, there’s no such thing.  I read a heart-wrenching but ever so faith inspired blog written by a mother who recently gave birth to her second child, now sleeping.  She said, “Jacob and I are not strong! It almost makes me mad to hear people say it because we are broken and we are defeated and we are weak. But in our weakness, we can see glimpses of God’s strength. If anyone can see anything good from us or in us, please pause! You are seeing something glorious, heavenly, holy. You are seeing the Spirit at work. It can only be by God’s grace, so don’t miss it! Soak it in and thank Him for His goodness.”

Isn’t that truth?  If we rely on our own strength we’d never make it.  It isn’t ours as mothers, fathers, and loved ones.  It isn’t ours in Tender Mercies.  We fall apart too.  We leave the room and we cry.  We talk to God and we remember the moments.  Every one of them.  They build, each and every one, so gut wrenching and never understood.  We reach out again, and again, and again.  Then, we love.  There is nothing more important than to love.  Especially in the stillness.

It all floods back.  The hard times, the good times, and the emotion in all of it.  We look forward to Tender Lights just as much as you do.  We get to share in a memory that means so very much, every single day, to you and to us.  We are with you.  Then.  Now.  Forever.

Our prayers are that anyone ever touched by a visit, an event, or even a simple letter would have a moment with God that gives them peace and love.  We pray that he gives little loving moments through others, images, or in things you see or smell.  We pray for moments that we don’t know about.  It’s the things we don’t know, but we hope for, that God gives each and every one of you as a tender mercy.

❤ Autumn

Quote by Loving Rocco blog titled “Strength”, May 8, 2018

We’ve come a long way since we started Tender Mercies last June.  In the last nine months God has guided our hands in helping others during the loss of their child(ren).  We’ve been a source for memory boxes and other cherishable items donated to the parents and families, we’ve hosted our first of many memorial events, and we’ve been able to meet with and talk through some of the most heartbreaking stories ever told by grieving parents.  We have made life long friends through this foundation and we have started to open Southern Illinois up to a new community of support.  With your support and God’s will, together we have been brought to a place where we will be able to help families for a long, long time to come.  There is no doubt though that God has so much more in store for Tender Mercies and Southern Illinois.  Things we probably can’t even imagine right now.

One of our long term goals since we started TMFSI was to provide a safe and comforting resting place for children sleeping in Christ.  It is one of the hardest things a parent will ever do to lay their child to rest, but we know just how important those moments are.  It is more likely that parents will be faced with the decision on where they might bury their child only moments before or after their passing than it is that they have a plan in place for such occasions.  Some have family plots that are available to them and some have not even had the discussion for themselves, let alone their children.  There are visitors to our area that do not plan to stay.  There are those that simply cannot afford to purchase a forever place their child.

This is why we are excited to build Tender Gardens, a resting place for children and babies in our area.  We envision a beautiful garden with the most peaceful landscaping.  Imagine a weeping willow blowing ever so softly in the wind and the flowers of spring and summer bringing a little peace to the soul as you take one step after another into a world you hoped you would never see.  A fountain that you can hear gently in the background flowing peacefully like a creek winds through the rocks and then throughout there are statues reminding us that our babies are safe and home in Jesus’ arms.  Tender Gardens will be a peaceful place.  A place where you could sit and hear natures lullaby keep you while your sweet baby sleeps.  God has placed the vision of this tranquil place in our hearts to offer to anyone that may need it.

This year we have found that those we’ve been able to touch through Tender Mercies, as well as those that have been affected in the past or through others stories, have found it in their hearts to help us in our mission to grow Tender Mercies and all God calls us to do.  We have decided that any donation that has been made as a memorial in the name of a loved one will be dedicated to funding Tender Gardens.  We would like to honor donations and will promise to incorporate them into the gardens in some way.

At this time we are in the very beginning stages and we are currently searching for the perfect property.  If you have, or know someone might have, two to three acres available we would be interested in talking with you.  Once we have the site chosen we will then begin designing the garden and begin our fundraising efforts to accomplish all that such a garden requires.

In the meantime, we will continue doing what God has called on us to do and be there for those that need us.  Thank you to anyone who has ever shared one of our posts, talked with others about Tender Mercies, attended an event, sponsored and event, donated your time and talents to making the memory items that are so special for the families, and especially those that keep us in your prayers.  You have made all the difference and have allowed us to be there for others we may have never had an opportunity to otherwise.  May God bless you all.

-Autumn, Kasey & Lauren

tendermericesfoundation@gmail.com

Without volunteers, the dreams of what TMFSI will become couldn’t be realized.  It takes many hands and many  hearts to accomplish the goals we are setting forth in this foundation and it will take many more over the years as we grow together and break the silence.  Last night we opened up for our very first volunteer committee meeting.  We wanted to not only have a personal connection to those who want to be involved, for whatever their reasons are, but also to share why we are doing what we are doing here.  We were able to discuss several events we have coming up and to gain new insights or ideas from others.  The meeting went very well and we are certain that we will soon be known throughout this region as a place where anyone that has been affected by this will be able to come and talk, be among those who understand and perhaps find healing in volunteering as well.  All that said, we were very happy to see Megan Korando join our team.  Megan experienced a loss last fall and we knew that she has been working in the area to help the community of women and families struggling through their losses.  I want to first allow Megan to share her story with you:

Thursday, September 25, 2014 was a morning not unlike any other fall morning around our home. The crops were ready to be harvested and I was working on the final touches of what was to be our daughter, Blair’s, nursery. I fought back the nagging worry that something wasn’t right and double checked my hospital bags and prepared the car seat to install after returning home from what was to be my last routine appointment before our pre-op appointment the following week.  Blair was scheduled to be delivered via repeat c-section on October 8th, just three days before her due date but the on again and off again contractions I had been having over the last few days told me she had other plans.  I dropped our son, Wade, off at my mother in law’s and made my way to Carbondale.  Upon entering the room I can recall the first thing I told Kelly, my NP, was that I was almost worried over the weekend because I hadn’t been feeling Blair like I had been. Because she was breech, had dropped, and the age old myth that babies slow down at the end, I stuffed my fears away and decided that I was still feeling her move, it was just different.  The moment Kelly put the Doppler on my swollen belly and I heard nothing but silence I knew my worst fear had become our tragic reality.  Holding on to hope she grabbed a different Doppler and checked to see if they could get me in for a quick ultrasound. I held my faith that we would get in there and see her wiggling away and we would all laugh about the scare she gave us.  As we walked down the hallway to the ultrasound room it hit me. In one moment I nearly dropped to my knees and everything became blurred. I can remember Kelly asking me who she could call just in case, giving her Matthew and my mothers numbers, and the deep fog that began to settle in.  The moment they put the wand on and our daughter came up on the screen my world came crashing down.  In one statement, five words, my life would never be the same. Our little girls heart had stopped beating and for the time being we had no clue why.  My family arrived, joined me one by one in sorrow, and we began discussing what our options were.  Matthew and I chose to go home, digest what was happening, and to call when we had made our decision. By that evening we had decided to go ahead and schedule the c-section for the following day, Friday, September 26th, at noon. We spent the evening with a house full of family and friends unsure of what to do but surround us with their love. By eleven that night everyone had cleared out and I was trying to get some rest when I noticed the contractions had began to pick up. After timing them for an hour they were as far apart as eight minutes and as close as four minutes and I called Dr. Gates at 12:17am to inform him of what was going on. They weren’t very intense and he suggested a hot bath or shower to see if that slowed them down and if not to come in.  As I drew my bath water I noticed some changes that told me we needed to go.  In a matter of no time they quickly picked up and we where on our way to the hospital.  One of my sisters-in-law was in the car with us and decided to call an ambulance who requested we stop and wait for them. I told Matthew, no way, we will never make it. As we came into Carbondale my water broke and in an instant Blair began to make her way into this world. We met an ambulance who rushed me the final blocks to the hospital where Blair would finish her birth at 1:33am on September 26th. After she was born it was clear what took our darling daughter from us. She had a perfect storm of cord issues that came together in the worse way. Her cord was wrapped around her neck three times and she had a very tight knot in it.  She was perfect and beautiful in every way.  Holding the lifeless shell of our daughter I knew in that moment she would always be a part of me. Though she would never take a breath on this earth I would breathe every day for her.  Her short life gave me so many wonderful gifts. The grace and the compassion to be able to live life as completely as I can.  Through our faith and our family we have turned our darkest days into something so bright and beautiful. Because I live, Blair lives and each day she gives me the strength to put one foot in front of the other and rejoice in knowing that one day we will be together again. 

Megan shared her story with the group last night and left us all in tears, as you can imagine.  She reminded us, once again, why we are doing this.  It was when she announced that she would like to continue Blair’s Cuddle Run through TMFSI, she had funds left over from the first event and that she would like to donate them to TMFSI, that the only sound you could hear was tear drops falling.  Megan gave TMFSI a check for $4,772.89!  Speechless.  We are very excited to work with such an absolutely wonderful person.  If you get a chance to meet Megan, you will surely understand why.

Megan Korando’s donation to TMFSI. 6/22/15

We received our first wedding dress donation last night and we couldn’t help but get a lullaby gown going.  The dress was donated by the very sweet Mandy Rich and when it got to my hands it was a plastic wrapped cardboard keepsake box all sealed and prepared for preservation.  At first I carried it to the location it would make its transformation without really thinking twice but when it came time to actually break the seal of the plastic, I almost couldn’t do it. I  think that opening anything preserved will make you second guess the choice to do it.  This dress was preserved because there were memories and hopes attached to it.  It wasn’t just a random dress worn for a random night.  It was a dress of celebration and love.  It would be that same thought that finally allowed me to make the first cut and open the box.  This dress that once served a beautiful purpose of love, will have a second chance at doing that for many, many people. When finally opened, the gown was laid to perfection inside this beautiful white box.  It was folded just right so that all the detail of the lace and beading was shown.  It had tissue paper with it as if you were opening a present. We pulled the gown out in awe.  We hung it on a hanger and much like a bride would do on her wedding day, we stood and admired it.  My mom and I just looked at each other as if to say “I’m not cutting this dress”.  It was a few photos later that we took it down, laid it out very carefully on the ground and started mapping the first cut. We ran our hands along the dress from the top to the bottom.  Over all of its seams and all the details, until we landed on the perfect spot.  A small portion of the train soon was folded and prepared for the first cut.  Just like that, there was no turning back.  We cut and sewed, added detailing around the edges and slowly but surely we were holding a beautiful gown for a beautiful baby.   We took more fabric from the train and began working on the bonnet.  Only the tiniest of heads could fit in it, although we know we will be making them much smaller still yet.  We enjoyed the process together.  The mood was quiet and humble, yet we were happy for the gift.  This wedding dress, and its new beginning as one of many lullaby gowns, will now not only fulfill its purpose of celebration, but its new purpose in comforting sorrow and clothing heavens angels. Thank you so much Mandy for your donation.  You have provided many gifts to many people you may never meet.  We hope God blesses you in many ways as well.   -Autumn Doan, Tender Mercies Foundation of Southern Illinois.

Welcome to Tender Mercies Foundation of Southern Illinois.  We are in the process of creating our website and adding in all the information you will need to learn about us and possibly join forces.  For now, please browse around and check back often as we are updating weekly.  God bless!